Are you calling me a bum?

As a teacher we can’t come up with everything on our own…so occasionally we get worksheets or lesson ideas from other places

I take advantage of teacher resources, especially in mathematics. 5th grade math is tough, and there is no way I could come up with worksheets on my own…heck half the time I am re-teaching myself the math skills.

The other day I grab a book that I purchased from a school supply catalog. It is for 6th grade, but it included alot of the subject matter we cover in 5th grade. I grab the book and head to the copy machine to make copies for everyone in my class. On the walk to the copy machine I begin reading through the word problems to make sure they weren’t too hard for the kids to complete. As I am reading the word problems my jaw begins to drop and my pace begins to slow. The word problems contain content that I wouldn’t ordinarily think a 5th or even 6th grader should be reading. The problems were dealing with blood alcohol level and driving drunk….hmm? Then I look to the next page to see if it might have more problems that do not include alcohol…and on the very next page I see a question saying that not all alcoholics are bums? I couldn’t believe my eyes…needless to say this book resumed it’s position on my shelf and I found resources else where

As long as the kids know the repercussions of drunk driving right?Are they calling me a bum?

Middle Age?

Sometimes my kids can make me feel REALLY old. Like the time I had to explain what  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were or the time I talked about Nintendo games and they were like “What is Nintendo?”

Today, was no exception. I was walking around the class monitoring them while they worked on a math project. As I walked by Lindsay’s seat I overhear her talking about Christina Aguilera, and then I hear her friend Katie say “Christina Aguilera is ancient.” Hearing this I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut…so I say to the girls “She isn’t old!” and Lindsay looks at me and says “Well she is like 34 years old!” this is when another kid in class pipes up and says “That’s how old my mom is”  and then I hear the fateful words that made me feel old…Katie says “Well 35 is like middle age…so she is kinda old”

Thomas Paine’s resume

So currently my students are studying the Revolutionary War. This is a very popular topic among the kids and I never struggle to keep them engaged.

The other day was no different. I showed them a video. (which they love…because it is November and it’s the 2nd video I have shown all year!- I’m mean like that!) We watched a video on Thomas Paine. I had them watch the video once through and then the second time I had them fill out a quiz.

One of the questions was “What were four jobs Thomas Paine had during his lifetime?” Now the video mentions the following jobs: tutor, corset maker, grocer and a tax collector. My kids did very well on this video quiz and while I was grading I was very pleased with the scores I was seeing. Now grading papers is usually not something I love to do…however it is usually where I find inspiration for my posts. This evening was no different. My kids spelling this year is atrocious…and makes me cringe EVERY time…however this evening it made me smile…

Thomas Paine is a "tooter"

Falling down the stairs…

I’m a klutz. That is really all there is to it. I trip over nothing, run into EVERYTHING and could hit my head on just about anything.

In my lifetime, I have fallen down the stairs exactly 3 times. The first time was by far the worst…however it was the least embarassing because I was alone. The second and third times I was not quite as lucky.  The worst part about my last two falls…they were within WEEKS of each other. You would think I would learn.

You may ask, why is it that I am talking about falling down the stairs in my blog about school…well here is the kicker…I fell down the stairs AT SCHOOL!!! Now if you think falling down the stairs is embarassing…try doing it at school in front of other teachers or students. Try visiting the nurse after a tumble…talk about embarassing

My first fall happened exactly 1 month ago. It was early one Monday morning. I had just gotten to school and had my hands full. Well instead of heading over to the elevator, like any sane person I decided to be a risk taker and balance my arm load and head down the stairs. Now, I am relatively coordinated…believe it or not…and my journey down the stairs would have been sucessful if not for the choice in wardrobe for the day. I was wearing dress slacks with a cuff and heels (hey, I have to do something to be taller than my 5th graders!) As I am carefully navigating down the stairs (holding the railing) my heel gets caught in the cuff of my pants…for a split second time freezes…I feel myself heading forward and there is no chance of stopping me. Thank goodness I was following my own rules of the stairs and holding the railing. Incredibly I bust out a twist move and end up on my behind 3 steps below with only a banged up knee and a bruised ego…as I lie there in complete shock and pain all I can think is “I HOPE NO ONE SAW ME” however I was not so lucky…I look up to see our computer teacher rushing toward me checking to see if I am okay…I let her know I am fine and that I am just slightly embarassed and cursing this day already. I hope up and head to my classroom limping a little when I run into another one of the teachers. I let her know what happened and what does she do? She tells me to sit down and she runs to get me an ice pack…so sweet of her right? NOT…she heads straight to the office and announces to everyone that I have fallen down the stairs…so as I am sitting in my classroom in walks the nurse with an ice pack and workman’s comp papers…the nurse is closely followed by our custodian, the principal and half the office staff. I am guessing they were part concerned part amused

So, after a few weeks of teasing from teachers, students and even a few parents things blew over. No one  made jokes about the elevator or my extreme coordination. I was in essence free of the “klutz” label. That was all until the fateful day….it happened again.

It was a morning like any other…I arrived at school on a lovely Monday morning, stopped by the office, filled up my water, grabbed supplies I needed for the day and headed to my classroom. The supplies I had picked up in the office happend to be 8 1/2 by 12 inch construction paper, which was not heavy, but it blocked my view of my feet. Well I was aware of this and told myself to be careful on the stairs. I stopped at the top, grabbed the handle (rule follower) and headed down. Things were going great…until I hear “Hi Ms. Midwest!” I stop (because I cannot do two things at once) and turn around to greet the students who have just come in the building. As I turn around to keep going, I apparently forgot I was on the stairs and missed the very next step….down I went. Luckily I didn’t go flying down head first…I happened to fall straight to my knees and slide down 4 steps. When I finally got stopped I hear the kids behind me “Ms. Midwest!! Are you okay” Now it was extremely sweet that they would run to my aid…but instead of being grateful I turned around and pointed at them and in my meanest (okay I am not even close to mean) voice I said “DO NOT TELL ANYONE” Well of course with my reputation of being the meanest teacher at school they all begin to giggle and one of the kids even says “I’m going to tell my teacher right now” so then under my breath I say “I can’t believe I fell down the stairs again” well of course little Timmy hears me…and he is like “What?!? AGAIN?” Could this day get any worse?! So I hop up and the kids are quite impressed that I haven’t dropped anything or even spilled my water…heck who am I kidding…i’m pretty impressed myself. I start heading up the stairs and the kids ask me where I am going…

“To the nurse” I replied.

Don’t touch the cheese?

This is one thing I never anticipated saying in my career….however the other day that is exactly the phrase that came out of my mouth.

At recess the other day all of a sudden everyone is running around the playground seemingly playing an innocent game of tag. However tag was definitely not the name of the game. I started to pay attention and I am hearing the kids yelling…HE HAS THE CHEESE TOUCH. Now if you are as confused as I was please watch this video clip from the movie “Diary of  Wimpy Kid”

Well at the time that this was happening I had yet to see that high quality video….so I get the walkie talkie and call in to the janitor James, who is one of my good friends…Before I even thought about how silly it would sound I said “James can you please come out to the playground and pick up this piece of cheese”

Immediately after saying that I regretted it…you see EVERYONE in the office and custodial staff has a walkie talkie and of course they all heard me. Well our secretary responded immediately and said “Ms. Midwest….quick cross your fingers before you get the cheese touch”

After getting back inside and into our classroom my kids finally explained this “cheese touch” to me. That is when I proceeded to have a discussion about how the cheese got on the playground and what to do if it were to happen again. Then the fateful words came out of my mouth…

Don’t touch the cheese

Teen Marriages

Here I am yet again…I told you this year was a doozy!

This story happened in writing class yet again…this group is very creative and they seem to love writing, which is great because I usually spend half the time struggling to get the kids to write.

The assignment was writing a Cinderella story. We read all sorts of different Cinderella stories from different cultures and with funny twists. My personal favorite was “Bubba the Cowboy Prince” you should definitely check it out!

Well the kids get started on their writing and they have amazing ideas; Hooparella, Donkeyrella, and the list goes on and on!
One of my students decided instead of a ball he wanted his Cinderboy to attend a prom. He was telling me about his story and how Cinderboy goes to prom and falls in love and gets married.
Amy a girl in my class overhears this conversation and gets a really confused look on her face…she looks at Sam and says “Are they teenagers?” and he was like “Ya, they are going to prom” and she looks at him and says “Didn’t you know that most teenage marriages end in divorce?”

Madonna?

Here it is…my very first post of the brand new school year. I can’t believe it has taken me so long. There have been so many blog worthy moments I had trouble choosing AND my class is quite the handful this year so when I leave school i’m usually headed straight to the bar or straight home to bed.

This group of kiddos will definitely make for an interesting/fun year, and I mean that in the nicest way possible

This particular story is about a boy I am still trying to figure out. He is probably one of my most “fun” kids

In writing class we were working on character books. Each student had to create one character and give me character traits, where they live, a problem they might have etc etc. We are going to use this book any time we get a case of writers block.

One of my most talented artists, Amber, drew this really elaborate picture of a woman with snakes for hair. It was her version of Medusa. So Amber bring me her picture and I am telling her how great it looks when Dane walks up and goes…”Oh wow…you drew a really good picture of Madonna.” Then he stops and thinks for a second and says “no, that’s not right…what is her name?”

I couldn’t answer right away, I had to stifle a laugh…because while the picture was not of Madonna…who knows, she has been known to do weird things…why wouldn’t she wear snakes in her hair?

How babies are born…

Alright…summer is a slow time for me. I don’t get to spend 40+ hours a week with my walking, talking entertainment. It doesn’t seem quite right, here I am with all of this free time to write, but no inspiration

Not to worry, I still have many stories to share, that I either didn’t have time to write about, or I forgot all about. Today is a story I just plain forgot about, that is until I was on my morning run listening to my i-pod.

The star of this story is a 2nd grader named Gunnar. Now second grade was studying the life cycle of a beaver (or something like that ) they were talking about how long it takes for a baby beaver to be born. The teacher (a dear friend of mine) asked the kids if they knew how long it took for a human baby to be born. The kids had no clue, and they made some silly guesses (go figure) and finally she told them that it takes 9 mos for a baby to be born. Well apparently at that very moment a light bulb went off for little Gunnar. He raises his hand (like a good little student) and says:

“Oh I knew that because of that money maker song….shake, shake, shake your money maker…took your momma 9 months to make ya”

Who knew rap songs could be so educational

In case you would like to here the full version of this 100% appropriate for 2nd grade ears song follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Op2YQ7yyU

What does your mommy do for a living?

With summer right around the corner I am running out of material. Not only are my kids MUCH less funny this time of the year, but I have started to use what my mom calls “selective hearing” with them. I don’t want to disappoint and leave anyone feeling like I am slacking so I will share an e-mail that I received the other day. I got a kick out of this and knew I had to share with all of you.

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment…
  

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:  
   
Dear Ms. Davis, 
I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel. 
  
Mrs. Harrington

Note to self…

Over the school year I always make mental notes of what I will or won’t do for the next year…hopefully by the time I retire I have this teaching thing completely figured out

One very important thing I need to remember next year is to schedule our art museum field trip BEFORE our growth and development video…

We unfortunately saw the growth and development video in our 5th grade classroom the day before we went to the art museum…where you guessed it…they have statues and sculptures that are anatomically correct.